The first day of the rest of my life...

Thanks so much to all of you for hanging in there while I grouse about my catheter and other humiliations.  It is kind of interesting to look back over these past four months.  I tend to think of myself as kind of a modest, private person.  Thus it has been kind of weird to have a succession of strangers coming at me with gloved fingers or with a “let’s check your catheter” “pull up your shirt so we can see your stomach” “Take everything off and put on this gown” etc… I can’t quite decide whether it feels stranger with women or with men.  When my surgeon stopped by to check on me last Tuesday morning, it turned out to be a small touring group (med students?) and I felt like a prize pig at the county fair. 

I am hoping tomorrow to go back to and in the process spare all of you--my family and friends--of my TMI theme to this blog/adventure!  I go in tomorrow morning to break up with “cathy” and also to get my pathology report back—it will evaluate both the lymph nodes and my prostate margins.  I keep trying to imagine the doctor saying “everything is all clear.” But somehow, as complicated as this whole situation has been, it is fairly hard to imagine it ending as neatly as that.   At any rate, I’ll have my answer in about five hours….

So that is how far I got in blogging last night.  Now I am back from Roswell.  The last chapter was just as  ignominious as all of the others.  “I just have to be sure I see you pee before you get dressed and see the doctor.” said the jolly little male nurse.  

The good news was the lymph nodes were entirely clear.  The margin report was not quite as worry-free.  There was a tiny tumor that had grown to the exterior surface of the prostate, thus potentially exposing the rest of my body to cancer cells.  They will check my PSA levels at six weeks and six months to get an idea whether there has been any spread.  I had mostly spoken only with Dr. Guru’s young assistant and had a hard time reading him about how worried I should be about it.

After they had brought me more prescriptions and instructions and said goodbye I gathered up my things to leave but then I found myself standing in the hallway, not quite satisfied with the results.  So I gathered up my courage and knocked on Dr. Guru’s door; he came out very graciously.  I told him I was having trouble knowing how to think about the problem at the margin.  “How worried should I be?” 

He smiled a very reassuring doctor smile and said “You should not be worried at all.  It is so tiny, it could only be seen with dye under a microscope.  I do not believe it will ever cause you any problems.  Go home and rest and relax.  I’ll see you in six weeks.” 

My sweet Samantha and I stopped for a celebratory lunch at Moe’s on the way home, which I hope will be the first step in getting my normal life back.  So that is all the news that’s fit to print, and then some.  Once again, I can’t thank you enough for all of your kindness and support and love and prayers….and even jokes. I could never have slogged through this without all of you.  Love to all!

PS - Just as I was about to post this, Samantha came running in for me to come out and see the incredible  sunset.  I snapped a quick pic for you all to enjoy also; I am interpreting it as a sign of serenity and hope from God.